Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Pastor Ted's got the tools

Apparently the "dark side" of Pastor Ted Haggard had spread its tentacles (and testicles -- sorry, I just had to) farther than previously suspected. Last Sunday his former flock heard evidence that Pastor Ted had a "pattern of improper and even sordid behaviour" with young men around the church. Overseers read the congregation an update on the Pastor Ted Inquiry that revealed the terrible truth:

"We have verified the reality of (Haggard's) struggle through numerous individuals who reported to us firsthand knowledge of everything from sordid conversation to overt suggestions to improper activities to improper relationships." "During the inquiry, young men working for the church came forward to describe what overseer Mike Ware, pastor of Victory Church in Westminster, characterized as "loose language, coarse jesting and inappropriate jokes that Ted made."

Okay, let's tally it up here. While preaching god's own purity and indignance and bigotry against gays, the good Pastor Ted was doing meth, getting laid on the sly by a male escort, and now we find out he was even taking a run at some of the other church staff. And this is just the stuff that happened in the church... anybody swing by the bars and bath houses to see what they had to say? Out. Of. Control.

Oh, and about that recent statement that Pastor Ted isn't gay anymore:

"Another overseer, the Rev. Tim Ralph of New Covenant Fellowship in Larkspur, said he was "misquoted" recently as saying Haggard was "completely heterosexual." He said he meant to say that therapy "gave Ted the tools to help to embrace his heterosexual side."

So what he meant was, Pastor Ted isn't gay anymore.... or any less!!!