Thursday, March 27, 2008

Dude's thong's on wrong

In the UK earlier this week, a guy got into a spot of a stickie-wickie after he went out to feed the pigeons wearing nothing but a thong... which he had on backwards (I know, I know -- the visual):
"A 58-year-old man who fed pigeons wearing only a skimpy thong which was back to front has been fined £150.

Neighbours spotted David Batchelor in his street in Perth in the underwear which left his genitals partly exposed.

Perth Sheriff Court heard that children walking home from school had been passing by at the time.

His lawyer said that Batchelor had been drunk and there was no sexual element to the way he had behaved. He admitted committing a breach of the peace.

When officers had turned up to investigate they found Batchelor still partially dressed and with his flimsy thong on the wrong way round."

Well, ew. Drunk and wandering around in a backwards thong. If that was an honest mistake on his part, it's kind of sad when you think about it. But it reminds me of a story...

My ex owned a rental house in town. It was in a rough area and most of his tenants were the kind of people who, when they lost their house keys (which was often) would remedy the situation by kicking the door in. Ex spent a lot of time and money repairing the door. Therefore he told his newest tenant: "If you lose your key, whatever you do, don't kick the door in. I gave spare keys to two of the neighbours. If they're not home, go across the street to the gas station and call me, I'd rather drive down and let you in than have the door kicked in again."

He worried about it all month long. "I hope that new guy hasn't kicked the door in", he'd say. At the end of the month when he arrived at the house to collect the rent, sure enough, the door had been kicked in.

"Why'd you kick the door in?" he cried. "I lost my key", said The Tenant.

"Why didn't you go to the neighbours or call me on the gas station phone?" sobbed Ex. "I couldn't", The Tenant groused... "I was nude!!"

TenantBoy had gone out to the deck for a naked morning coffee (a cuppacuppa burnin' joe), and accidentally locked himself out. The inexplicable dumbassitude of the story is that the scene of the crime, the deck, is completely open and about 10 feet away (at eye-level, no less) from a busy downtown sidewalk. Like the Backward Thong Guy, the Naked Tenant was just completely oblivious to his surroundings.

As I used to say to comfort my Ex: "New door frame: $100. Want Ad for new tenant: $50. The story: priceless."