Another one bites the dust

Hey hey!

"Former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson quit the Republican presidential race on Tuesday, after a string of poor finishes in early primary and caucus states." [...]

In the statement, Thompson did not say whether he would endorse any of his former rivals. He was one of a handful of members of Congress who supported Arizona Sen. John McCain in 2000 in his unsuccessful race against George W. Bush for the party nomination."

All I can say is "What took ya?" I called this to happen before Christmas.

Fred's corn-fused

Fred Thompsons attacks... Fox News?

"Fred Thompson attacked Fox News on Sunday for what he called a "constant mantra" that his floundering campaign for president is troubled, and he accused the network of skewing things against him.

Thompson certainly isn't the first politician to make that accusation, but he's the first high-profile Republican to do so."

Hahahahaha! You're sure about that, are ya Fred? Wow, if Fred thinks Fox News is biased against him, he must think MSNBC and the New York Times have contracts out on him. (As an aside, I predicted a few months ago that he'd be out of the game by Christmas -- is he starting to crack now? Come on Freddie... I got $10 riding on this.)

Ready for Freddie

Fred Thompson. What a friggin dullard this guy is. After months of endlessly fucking around, last week he finally announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination (on the Leno Show no less, because everyone knows how much conservatives just looooove Hollywood). Fred seems to be running as a social conservative, having already fired off a few "baby-killing"-type comments about abortion... although this could be damage control following his red-handed pinch for the lucrative pro-choice lobbying he did in the 90's.

A lot of people are delighted that Fred's thrown his hat in, and I am one of them, though for different reasons. Just from what I've seen over the last few months, I expect that Fred will be a Comedy Gold Motherlode, and I look forward to mining it. Just a few nuggets he's upchucked in the last couple of days:

Fred on Osama (ooh! sounds like fun!): This is a two-parter. 1(a) OBL is dick squat, just a symbol... aaaaaannnd: 1(b) OBL is dangerous. KILL HIM! KILL 'EM ALL!!!

Fred on Iraqis coming to US side: the reason so many Iraqis are joining the US side in the battle (they are?) is because al qaeda told them to quit smoking. Huh? Huh!? Huh?!? Does that even make sense?! Huh?!!

Fred on Iraq War: Freddie's one of the 26% of mental defectives who thinks the Iraq War was the right thing to do. Now we know what they look like.

Fred on withdrawing from Iraq: Fwomp! The whole middle east turns into a big sheet of glass.

Fred on dissent: Freddie don't like dissent, which is too bad because it's kind of central to democracy but Oh Well. Freddie says "Dissent makes us weak and carries a heavy price". Oh really? And what might that be?:

"If you're politically committed against this war and to do something to further harm the president, the way the Democrats seem to be in Congress, then anything [in the Petraeus Report] that's a mixed message is going to be seized upon in a negative way," Thompson told Fox News on Thursday. "If we look weak and divided in this country, we're going to pay a heavy price for it in the future," he went on."

A price so heavy that it defies description, I guess. Didn't the Bushies say that same kind of thing in 2004, not the "price" but something like it... oh yeah, "The Stakes". A commercial so scary that everyone just about died laughing when they saw it on the GOP website. So now it's "The Price". Nice to see Freddie following in Georgie's footsteps, and in more ways than one. Fred's being spun as a good old down-home aw shucks kind of guy... the kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with. And apparently, he just isn't very bright. He sounds... My God!! He sounds just like Georgie! Oh no: meet the new simpleton, just like the old simpleton!

And that's just the beginning, the comedy gold has only just started rolling up from the mine. Sadly, I don't expect Freddie to last very long: 3 months maybe? His so-con credentials are already tarnished, and he's spent a lot of time in that bastion of Moral Values, Hollywood. It's only a matter of time til a few more skeletons boogie out of the closet, and that'll be that. At least I hope so. If another guy as dumb as Georgie gets elected, we are fucked sideways.

Republicans and their memories

Why is it that these guys seem to be perpetually overdrawn at the memory bank? Everyone remembers Alberto Gonzales' compelling testimony to the Senate Judiciary Committee:

"I can't remember... I don't recall... I don't remember... I can't recall..."
Now GOP presidential hopeful Fred Thompson has joined the ranks of the memory-impaired with regard to the lobbying work he did for an abortion rights group:

"WASHINGTON - Fred Thompson says he "has no recollection" of lobbying on behalf of a family planning group.

The Los Angeles times reports that back in 1991 Thompson lobbied then President George Bush to relax a regulation that prevents federally funded clinics from offering abortion counseling."

Let's review. On Friday the LA Times (and since then, others) revealed Thompson lobbied for a pro-choice organization in the early 90's. The lobbying alone, regardless of the client, is probably enough to cast suspicion on him in authoritarian circles. One does not question a Republican administration! But when the client is a Planned Parenthood-type pro-choice organization, and the lobbying is for abortion rights... oh, the pearl-clutching and swooning and... quick! to the fainting couch!

On the weekend, "Blogs for Fred" was calling it a "swing and miss" hit piece by the LA Times. Today they're calling it "sloppy", a smear campaign by the left, probably Clinton's campaign. (When in doubt, "Clinton" out.) The latest Rasmussen poll shows that in a Clinton/Thompson match-up, they'd be head-to-head, so this possibility might almost be believable. Except that three days after the story broke, Thompson's campaign should be able to deliver a more substantial rebuttal to the allegation than memory deficit. That's the Answer of Last Resort.

It's actually reassuring to know that Thompson isn't really anti-choice, but not so reassuring that he's willing to lie to make people think he is. And if he became president and had to act that way, then there's really no difference. But come to think of it, if he lied about this his campaign's probably over anyway.