Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Avast, mateys!

Arrrrrrr, it's September 19: "Talk Like A Pirate Day". What better day for a speech at the UN by the most treacherous old cur of them all, that lily-livered bilge-sucking swine better known as Geoarrrrge W Bush.

I was sailing my truck down to the harrrrdware store this fair morning, when I heard Geoarrrrge on the radio... arr-dee-arrr, mateys, it's an ideological struggle we're in! All across the wider middle east, it's a battle against good and it's a battle against evil!

Arrrrr, Geoarrrrgie talked about Afghanistan, he talked about Iraq, he e'en had the balls to talk about Lebanon. He spoke directly to the people of those countries he'd pillaged an' plundered, pleading with them to have patience for the democracy that's marchin' up their arses. Geoarrrrge didn't mention that a keelhaulin', a pair o' pliers an' a blowtarrrch would be awaitin' any scurvy scum who dare to resist. Shiver me timbers, that whoreson bilge rat said nary a thing about the tarrrrture that some of those very same citizens have endured during his Warrrrr on Tarrrrrror. The speech was all about the winnin' o' hearrrrts an' minds, one more desperate attempt to show the good works of those crusty old knaves in the Bush administration. Blow me down, that scalawag can bullshit with the best of 'em. But there's a storm a-brewin', and all those scum-ridden weevil shaggers could soon be walkin' the plank! Arrrrr! Weigh anchor an' hoist the mizzen, me hearties!