Sunday, October 01, 2006

Ooh-ooh-ooh! Pants-pooping time!

That's right, darlin', grab those Depends, assume the position and prepare to unload as you're throttled with raw, wrenching, gut-twisting terror. Yes! We have a new al qaeda video!

Never mind that it's dated January 2000; this video almost certainly portends the threat of a Horrible Terrorist Attack and is good reason for us all to shit our collective pants. Pay no attention to the fact that the stars of the video are 2 dead guys who already did an attack -- 5 years ago -- those dead guys could come back and strike again! They're out there! They're mean! And they want to kill you and your family, (especially your family). They did 9/11, and they want to do it again!!! EEEEEK!

Intel Center, which monitors terrorism communications, said the video was found in Afghanistan in late 2001 (that's "5 years ago" 2001) by the US military. The tape shows 2 of the 9/11 highjackers reading their last will and testament, a speech by bin laden, and a bunch of guys kicking it at OBL's compound. According to Intel Center, OBL was asked when he'd release the tape and he replied that he was saving it for a "special occasion". (Who asked this question, anyway?) The tape was subsequently found at a compound in Afghanistan in late 2001 -- also known as "5 years ago" -- and since then it's been in the hands of the CIA, who were also saving it for a special occasion. Like midterm elections.

I don't even want to dignify this by calling it "bullshit". But it'll be interesting to see the polls tomorrow -- if Bush's rating gets a bounce because of this, I will have officially lost all faith in the intelligence of the american people.