Friday, September 28, 2007

Miller Time

Keeping on the roll of religious right ridiculousness, I must say I laughed my ass off when I read Montreal Simon's post about all the fuss over the Miller Beer logo appearing on an ad for a "sado-masochistic orgy in the streets" or "gay kink-fest" or something like that. Seeing Miller's logo on the ad, it didn't take long for the Catholic League's ever-tiresome Bill Donohue to go into apoplexy mode and rush to the rescue of the Morals and Values of the American Beer Drinker. I checked out the Catholic League's website and, oh, the purple-faced, quivering-jowled, forehead vein-popping outrage:

"Yesterday, we contacted the Miller Brewing Company protesting an obscene ad for an event it is sponsoring in San Francisco on September 30; the ad for the Folsom Street Fair depicts a sadomasochistic scene where sex toys are placed on the table of the Last Supper, flanked by half-naked homosexuals.!!!!!!!"

There there. Easy, Bill. It'll all be okay... Of course Miller, the wimps, immediately caved and ran away licking their nuts:

"Miller now says, “We understand some individuals may find the imagery offensive and we have asked the organizers to remove our logo from the poster effective immediately.”

So Donohue, having once again bullied someone into doing his bidding, must be happy, right? No way! Even though Miller agreed to get the logo removed from the ad, Donohue didn't think they expressed sufficient outrage in the way they worded their reply to him:

“Miller’s response (some might find mocking the Last Supper offensive?), while limp, would normally have been enough to get us off their back..."

Oh, whew! However, Miller was still sponsoring the event. Having gotten them to cave once, Donohue and his minions smelled blood in the water and circled around for awhile, doing a little research on where the money being raised by the event was going ... BOOM! Veins popped out and heart rates and blood pressure readings went through the roof again when the C-League discovered that the money raised was going to A Group They Don't Approve Of (ie., anyone but the Catholic Church). They made a quick bee-line for Miller and went on the attack again... only to be told to hit the road!

"...But we have subsequently learned that some of the monies being raised at this event are being funneled to a notoriously anti-Catholic and misogynist group, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (click here). After this development was brought to the attention of Miller, spokesman Julian Green responded that Miller was standing by the event. That’s fine with us. We just hope he knows that it really is ‘Miller Time.’" [...]

“Apparently, Miller has decided to side with a small band of depraved and bigoted gays against Catholics (25 percent of the population) and Protestants (60 percent of the nation). This is an ethical and marketing fiasco of colossal proportions. I will announce within the next day exactly what our game plan will be. The collision course that Miller wants with Christians is now on.”

Beautiful! The battle lines have been drawn in the ultimate showdown between Miller Beer and... a bunch of people who probably don't even drink anything but communion wine? It'll be Armageddon... it'll be Beermageddon! Oh yes, I'm sure Donohue's War on Miller will be the mother of all wars... as effective and devastating as Bill O'Reilly's Boycott of France.

UPDATE: In case you don't visit the combox, Pretty Shaved Ape's take is too good to miss.