I has canned cheezeburger?

What a travesty.

Anybody? Anybody?

Anybody want a vagina couch?

Yep, that's what I said.

Whatever happened

to a man looking for a good wife and finding a young bitch still clinging to her rawhide bone?

"NEW DELHI - A man in southern India married a female dog in a traditional Hindu ceremony as an attempt to atone for stoning two other dogs to death — an act he believes cursed him — a newspaper reported Tuesday."

Before the "slippery slope" crowd spins a bearing, this little wedding ceremony is more or less the equivalent of adopting a dog from the SPCA (other than the superstitious aspect). I don't know how effective little Selvi will be at curing what ails this guy, but adopting her goes a little way towards making up for his past dog abuse. As long as the rest of the family keeps an eye on her.

Excedrin Headache #2HB

Back in time, 55 years ago: a little girl falls down while holding a pencil. Terrible accident, the dastardly pencil gouges her near her eye and over 3" of it becomes so thoroughly embedded in her head that it can't be removed. So the doctors leave it in there, fix her up, she recovers from the accident and life goes on... life with a 3" pencil jammed in her head, that is:

"Margret Wegner fell over carrying the pencil when she was four. It punctured her cheek and part of it went into her brain, above the right eye.

The 59-year-old has suffered headaches and nosebleeds for most of her life."

Headaches? Well, no shit Sherlock. I got a headache just reading about it. I'm amazed that the woman was able to stay alive with that kind of injury. And weren't pencils made of lead back then? Eeeeeyikes! It reminds me of the guy who, after an unsuccessful suicide attempt with a nail gun of all things, ended up walking around with 12 nails jammed in his noggin -- he too went to the doctor complaining of a headache. It's astonishing that people not only survive these kinds of injuries, but walk around happily with the offending items lodged in their skulls -- the tenacity of the human body is incredible sometimes. The happy ending to the pencil woman's story is that the perfidious pencil was removed this week, and along with it, her lifelong headaches. The moral of the story: as always, pointy side down!

(via pharyngula)

Donohue will like this

If the Catholic League's perpetually-apoplectic Bill Donohue was outraged by Six-foot Chocolate Jesus, this should give him an aneurysm:

Virgin Mary urinals!?

That's the problem with being perpetually outraged at every little fucking thing. When something comes along that may actually be worthy of a little outrage (even from my atheist point of view, virgin mary urinals are just a wee bit over the top), there's no way to express oneself short of having a heart attack. Know what I mean, Bill? Bill? Bill!!?! Quick, the defibrillator... CLEAR!