Monday, June 12, 2006

Weirdness from an Ex

About a week ago, my ex BF called and asked me to dinner for Friday. No big thing, just a friendly type situation (he's got a girlfriend, so I'm safe). Then he calls me at work on Thursday night and says he's "feeling a little down" and wonders if he could drop by my place after I get home. I see people all day long and another human being is kind of the last thing I want to see after work, so I decline. Then the next night, when we're supposed to be going out for dinner, he doesn't show up. Doesn't call. Nothing. Hmmm, but no biggie since I didn't really feel like going out anyway. So I take the dog for a run, work outside etc. Then later I notice on my cell that he called, so I call him back, no answer, so I send text him saying WTF happened to you. But that was 3 days ago and not a word. So now I'm thinking that the Thursday night call was a precursor to him falling off the cocaine wagon... feeling a little "down" meant that he'd either fallen off or was about to. It's out of character for him to miss an appointment, he's anal about stuff like that. And whenever he starts acting out of character, it usually means he's slipped.

I feel bad in a way, that I could have maybe stopped him if I'd agreed to see him on Thursday. On the other hand, I feel a little pissed off that he has to put me in that position -- not to mention I am probably the last person he should see because I'd have the least amount of sympathy. I don't buy into the whole "I'm an addict, I can't help myself" line. Nobody's forcing the stuff on you... your car doesn't drive itself downtown to find the shit. At some point, there's personal responsibility to be taken, and I think too much of the addiction syndrome is just a denial of responsibiltity for one's actions.