Monday, January 01, 2007

2006: Year of the Wingnut

2006 was a very good year for wingnuttery. Some outstanding items:

Canada's Late Christmas Gift -- from HELL: Last year got off to an ugly start with a conservative minority government squeaking in with 36% of the vote. This year we fix that problem.

Steve & George: Harper was pronounced "Steve" by his buddy, boy-king Georgie Bush, at their meeting in July. As Steve basked in the glory of being Georgie's friend, Georgie proceeded to invite everyone who had a birthday that day up on the stage -- pushing Harper out of the way and totally wrecking his photo opportunity. Steve, with friends like this.

Limbaugh's Limp Excuse: In June, right wing radio windbag Rush Limbaugh took time off from sanctimonious braying about how liberals are destroying family values to take a quick trip to the Dominican Republic (one of the top travel destinations for sun, surf and underage hookers). On his way back he was arrested with a bottle of viagra without prescription, indicating that he (a) got the it illegally, and (b) he wasn't in the DR for the sun and surf. Family Values, I tell you! Good old Rush didn't miss a beat; he was back on his radio show oinking and squealing about family values the next day.

Kiss my aura, Dora: In response to the endless hectoring and whining of their bigoted so-con base, in October the cons drew up some legislation called the Defense of Religion Act (or "DORA") to allow religious types to opt out of performing gay marriages, kind of redundant since they already have that right. But it also includes a clause that would allow businesses to refuse to serve gays, and for people to express hate speech toward gays. Nice legislation, hm? And with a name that sounds so gay, "DORA".

Foley's Follies: September was a fine month for wingnutty hypocrisy. That was when the upstanding family-values-promoting republican congressman Mark Foley was caught sending lascivious emails and IMs to the underage page boys that work on the hill. His excuse was a drinking problem. What kind of whiskey causes attraction to young boys, "Grand Old Pedophile"? Naturally house republicans rushed to defend the boys, by blaming them for egging Foley on.

Haggard's Hooker: November saw even more right-wing hypocrisy, sex and a bonus - drugs too! This time it was evangelical goody-fucking-goody Ted Haggard who lost his job as a top (heh) bible thumper after his closet door was kicked open by the hunky male call-guy he'd been seeing for weekly tweak and tool sessions over the last 3 years. (All while preaching against homosexuality, which is what got his lover cheesed off.) Pastor Ted is now in some kind of re-orientation course that's supposed to straighten out his wheel alignment and get him driving up the hetero highway. Yep.

We're in ur house, impeachin ur doods: One for our side! The American electorate voted overwhelmingly to hand George W his ass in the midterm elections. Democrats now rule both houses of congress and there's finally an end in sight to the wild ride of escalating insanity that Americans have been on for the last 5 years. Meanwhile, right-wing squawking heads all went into meltdown mode, accusing the democrats of somehow stealing the election and running a gay mafia that was systematically exposing people like Foley just before the election. Gay mafia. You can't make this shit up.

Rummydone: The day after the election, Rumsfeld finally got the boot, 3 years too late. Even more momentously, Georgie admitted lying to the press the week before when he said Rummy was staying... admitted lying, just like that, "yeah, I lied, so fucking what". (Not quite those words, but that was the idea.)

Onward Christian So-cons: Social conservatives aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, but they were smart enough to know they'd been had after the debate and vote on reopening same sex marriage. Feeling betrayed by that red tory Harper, on the wingnut message boards they're talking about forming their own country (maybe call it "Jesusville", Alberta), or at least their own political party. (They used to have one called "Reform", and um, how'd that work out?) But hey, far be it from me to keep them from splitting the vote on the right. Go so-con nation!

There was, and continues to be, much more lunacy from the likes of that moron Pat Robertson ("Assassinate Chavez!"), evangelical doorknob James Dobson ("it could take 5 years to cure Ted Haggard"), and Stockwell Day... just being Stockwell Day. The old year is gone, but the wingnuttery goes on, and keeping up with it is like a full time job.