Wednesday, January 03, 2007

"God to Pat Robertson, do you read me?"

Batshit-crazy US televangelist Pat Robertson, whose good christian family values include advocating the assassination of foreign heads of state, is hearing those voices in his head again. It's none other than God him/her/itself delivering his/her/its annual State Of The Unhinged Union address, directly into Robertson's cracked cranium. As usual, God had some cheery news: sometime after September of 2007, a terrorist attack in the US will result in "mass killing":

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

The lord didn't say nuclear. (But did he say "nuculer"?)

Some of Pat's past prognostications include a landslide victory for Bush in 2004 (reality: Bush squeaked in with 51% of the vote), that Bush would have "victory after victory" following the election (reality: Bush has been stumbling from one disaster to the next ever since, culminating with that great victory last November -- for the democrats), and a tsunami that would hit the coastline in 2006 (reality: it rained). No matter how wrong they turn out to be, making these predictions is a win-win for Robertson: if they come to pass, God spoke, Pat reported. If they don't, it's because Robertson prayed so hard.

I have a prediction of my own -- by late 2007, Pat Robertson will still be nuts, and his followers will still be idiots.