unrepentant old hippie

Pastor Ted: "I'm cured!!!"

Poor Pastor Ted. Pastor Ted Haggard, the evangelical wingnut who was outed by his gay lover last fall, now says he's convinced that he's completely heterosexual. His purge of the Gay resulted from 3 weeks of "intensive counselling" by 4 ministers (3 weeks! Fellow wingnut James Dobson said it might take years. Hmph. Shows how much he knows.) One of the ministers who "counselled" Pastor Ted said:

"He is completely heterosexual... That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

News flash: people who act out gay sex fantasies (for 3 years) are usually, um, gay. Poor delusional Pastor Ted. Poor, delusional, gay Pastor Ted. Those "counsellors" shoved him back in the closet as far as he'd go, stomped on him a few times to make sure he was jammed in there good, then slammed the door and secured it with chains and padlocks. Perhaps Pastor Ted's forgotten -- you can't outrun Gay. As Jon Stewart said:

"I know that when you feel like "gay" is chasing you, all you need to do is run towards "straight" as fast as you can, hide behind that wife-and-kid fort you've been building, but here's the problem: "gay" can see through walls! The kids aren't gonna protect you from "gay." Now, you can't catch gay, but gay sure as hell can catch you. So, Ted, look at the view from here: it's not so great. But once you stop trying to outrun gay, you can catch your breath and realize, the world's actually a pretty nice place. See, there's "glory" around you, Reverend, just not in a hole."

Gay can get through chains and padlocks, too. It's just a matter of time.