Monday, March 12, 2007

The stakes

A vampire running for president in 2008 (no, it's not Dick Cheney) might be in trouble for threatening to impale Georgie:

"Jonathon 'The Impaler' Sharkey, a 42-year-old New Jersey man who is running under the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party, is currently being investigated by the Secret Service for potential threats toward President George W. Bush.

According to Sharkey, Secret Service agents visited him and his 19-year-old wife, Spree, in Ohio on Feb. 15. The visit concerned Sharkey’s repeated remarks about impaling Bush, an act Sharkey said he would only do if he were elected president. 'They never even asked to see my impaling stick,' Sharkey said."

So Sharkey won't impale Bush unless he's elected president; if he loses, Georgie gets a pass. Yet the Secret Service is wondering if this guy might really be a threat. Kind of shows how highly they think of the other presidential contenders.

Neil Richards, a law professor at Washington University in St. Louis, has it figured out:

"Under the First Amendment, what it boils down to here is whether or not he’s a vampire who wants to impale the president,” Richards said. “I guess the question is, if he’s a vampire, why is he the one staking people? Shouldn’t he want to bite the president and feed on him? [This], I suppose, is perhaps further evidence that this is not a true threat.”