Wrong number

I answered the phone at dinnertime last night, always a bad move: "Is this the lady of the house?" -- groan. I replied that I'd already decided on which charities I was supporting this year and started to tell the caller about Heifer International (hey, why not), when she got my attention with the words "entertainment industry" and "Family Values". It was "Family TV" calling. Ah. The call proceeded:

CALL: Over the years, Hollywood has gone from creating movies like "The Sound of Music," and "It's a Wonderful Life" to edgy films and suggestive TV. Forrest S. Baker III, founder of Feature Films For Families®, believes that the only way to counteract this negative trend is by creating positive, uplifting movies that both teach and entertain, movies that instill important values that have stood the test of time. Wouldn't you agree?

Okay, I'll play:

ME: Not really. Hollywood's in the business of making money -- if there was a market for the Family Values stuff, they'd make the movies. Apparently there isn't. If the Family Values people want more of that kind of movie, they should make their own.

CALL: There's a huge market for Family Values entertainment. We're not advocating censorship, but we support the promotion of traditional Family Values. Don't you agree?

ME: Wait -- Are you a real person or a machine?

I'll leave to your imagination the tone of voice I employed when using the term "family values".

The operator went on about traditional "bedrock" and family values, slagging Hollywood and, every few words, asking me if I agreed or telling me that I must agree. I continued to respond in the negative, becoming increasingly agitated until I finally said: "Actually, I think there are way too many kids' movies. I can never find a movie with enough gory grisly violence to satisfy me. Take that lame-o shower scene in Scarface -- they shouldn't have edited out all the good stuff, don't you agree?" and the discussion quickly wound down.

During the call I suggested that the values nuts should make their own movies, and apparently this is exactly what Family TV does (although I never would have known that from the call): they produce and sell movies that make the "family values" cut. Rather than going their usual route of trying to force the industry to conform to their groove through legislation or censorship, they're taking the initiative to produce the kind of movies they want -- categorized by value, no less.

Their website doesn't seem to have any menacing religious undertones, although when I checked their "Cultural Diversity" category, I didn't see any movies about gays, but oh well. Baby steps. This little project of theirs probably isn't a bad idea -- it's from them, by them, for them, and if nothing else it keeps them from bothering the rest of us. (And some of the movies look pretty cute -- "Twelve Dogs of Christmas"? I'm there.)