Sunday, October 29, 2006

I had a visitor today

and look what they left me. I went out to get some firewood and when I opened the door this "tract" or whatever they're called fell out; I screamed "What the FUCK!" Hoping to catch the bastard so I could give him or her a piece of my mind, I ran down the driveway, backtracked to the shed and grabbed a baseball bat, and ran back down to the road. They were nowhere to be found, the stealthy bastards. Talk about the end times, they don't know how close they came.

I went inside and was about to toss the tract into the woodstove when I spied the title: "The End Of False Religion Is Near!". I reflexively thought: oh bite me. But that "false religion" thing grabbed my curiousity. What now from these idiots? The cover shows some serious end-of-the-world-type lightning. I wanted to find out what they meant by "False religion", so I gave it a quick read.

It had all the usual happy horseshit you hear from religious nuts, but this was different. Instead of focusing their attack on the usual suspects, they were attacking other religions. Specifically, they took shots at evangelicals (liars and warmongers) and catholics (fornicators). Without naming names they cited things that have been said or done that made it obvious they were talking about Falwell, Robertson and the Pope and his minions. The JWs have got their number, and these false religions are going down, baby. I was starting to think these people might be almost semi-sane, but then I read how the downfall of false religion will come. It begins with the arrival of "a harlot who wears purple and uses incense" (*sniffs the air and looks down at purple T-shirt*), riding a 7-headed, 10-horned monster, which turns on her, tears her to pieces, devours her and sets her on fire. That's how false religion will end (???), and so ends another head-shakingly bizarre religious myth. You really have to question the lucidity of people who believe this shit. Imagine being a lawyer who has to defend one at a sanity hearing.

It was interesting, though, to see such overt animosity being shown by one whacko religion towards others (I know there are religious folks somewhere out there who aren't bugshit insane, but I'm talking about the 99.9% who are). Secular people such as myself tend to lump all these fundamentalist nutjobs into one group and call it the religious right. But in fact they're a pretty fragmented bunch. Knowing how judgmental they all are, and how they all just know that their way is right and everyone else is wrong, I doubt they could hold any kind of coalition together for very long. So ironically their own judgmentalism could be what eventually tears the religious right apart and renders them politically ineffective. That little pamphlet could actually be good news.