Kerry was ahead in 2004

I'm no psychologist but I know an Obama Derangement Syndrome*-driven pre-election nervous breakdown when I see one, and that is what seems to be in progress at our favourite fetus fetishist's blog as the spectre of an Obama victory looms on the American electoral horizon. All weekend long, SUZANNE's been feverishly cranking out desperate and furious posts that vacillate between painting a macabre picture of a post-Obama world awash in aborted fetuses and reminding everyone that there's still hope: John Kerry was ahead in the 2004 polls, too. Indeed he was, as you can see by the Electoral Vote projection for this day in 2004:


Then there's today's projection:

Proving that there's "ahead" and then there's "AHEAD!!!11!!".

*Affliction named by JABbering Stooge

Look out, Obama

Here comes the kitchen sink! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Granted, it's probably (okay, certainly) not true. But if that crazy person who runs Atlas Shrugged is right and Barack Obama really is the son of Malcolm X, that would make my day. Honestly, who wouldn't give Malcolm props for that one? And think there's anyway we can fit Tupac into the bloodline? Or maybe Obama actually is Tupac? You know that whole shooting was some bullshit, right?

Incidentally, I see no reason to stop with Malcolm. History is full of great Xs for Barack Obama to be related to. Professor X, which would explain why millions of white people lose their minds in his presence. Weapon X, which would explain the adamantium grafted onto his skeleton. XML, which would explain why it's so easy to structure his data. I'm sure there are others. And if anyone felt like Photoshopping Obama into an X-Men uniform to a) help illustrate this post and b) brighten my day, I'd certainly be grateful."

She went there

Flop sweat:

"Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin expanded her attack on Democrat Barack Obama's character Monday to include his relationship with an incendiary former pastor as well as his ties to 1960s-era radical Bill Ayers.

In the process, Palin toned down her description of the Obama-Ayers relationship after her weekend remarks were criticized as exaggerated, but at the same time she embarked on a discussion of Obama's relationship with his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., which Republican presidential candidate John McCain had signaled he did not want to be a part of his campaign."

With the addition of the Ayers non-story to their political narrative, the McCain campaign has sunk to a new nadir in the final frenetic weeks leading up to the election. Trying to forge a connection between Obama and Ayers' past radicalism is pure theatre of the absurd. And hey -- does Palin really want to talk about "terrorism" given her own much more substantial link to an Alaska secessionist party, that being considered, well, you know, uh... treason? Well, okay.

As for Reverend Wright, HAHAHAHAHA! Bring it the fuck on, SaWah. Because while you're doing that, the polls are doing this.

(Illustration by Victor Juhasz, Rolling Stone)