Look out, Obama

Here comes the kitchen sink! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Granted, it's probably (okay, certainly) not true. But if that crazy person who runs Atlas Shrugged is right and Barack Obama really is the son of Malcolm X, that would make my day. Honestly, who wouldn't give Malcolm props for that one? And think there's anyway we can fit Tupac into the bloodline? Or maybe Obama actually is Tupac? You know that whole shooting was some bullshit, right?

Incidentally, I see no reason to stop with Malcolm. History is full of great Xs for Barack Obama to be related to. Professor X, which would explain why millions of white people lose their minds in his presence. Weapon X, which would explain the adamantium grafted onto his skeleton. XML, which would explain why it's so easy to structure his data. I'm sure there are others. And if anyone felt like Photoshopping Obama into an X-Men uniform to a) help illustrate this post and b) brighten my day, I'd certainly be grateful."

The real reason the economy is tanking

Sex addiction? Yes, YES, OH YES!!!:

"David Duchovny just checked out of sex-addiction rehab, and his lawyer says treatment was a success. But while the "Californication" star is doing better, the problem may be getting worse here in New York.

Local sex therapists are seeing an increase in patients from the finance field, and a link between the dipping Dow and bad behavior." (emphasis mine)

As the Dow crashes and burns, social conservatives finally raise their eyes from the crotches of the nation and can't help noticing the economic disaster unfolding all around them. Yet even so, they still find a way to stay focused on SEX. Sex addiction? Pot, meet kettle.

Surprise, surprise

After penning a column suggesting that Sarah Palin drop out of the GOP ticket, conservative columnist Kathleen Parker found herself on the receiving end of a shitload of spittle-flecked, foam-sprayed mail from Palin's rabid supporters:

"Allow me to introduce myself. I am a traitor and an idiot. Also, my mother should have aborted me and left me in a dumpster, but since she didn't, I should "off" myself.

Those are a few nuggets randomly selected from thousands of e-mails written in response to my column suggesting that Sarah Palin is out of her league and should step down."

Parker notes that while she's received some pretty angry mail over the years, this is the first time it's been so "vicious and threatening". The message, Parker says, appears to be "toe the party line or be silenced" -- no dissenting ideas will be tolerated.

Noooooooo!! Really??? But that's Duh Base! Might be time to get a new one, eh?

UPDATE: And Parker's not the only one! Let's hope this little glimpse into the belly of the beastly "base" is enough of an eye-opener that rational conservatives will consider going the way of Sullivan and Cole...

CBC: Canadian Butt-kissing Corporation

It's been over 3 weeks since Heather Mallick's withering opinion piece about despicable moron Sarah Palin ran on the CBC's website and the crybaby wingnuts have been bawling about it ever since, with the National Post's Kay family leading the charge. Oh boo hoo hoo! Sob! SHRIEEEEEK!

Now the CBC has caved -- caved! -- to right-wingnut pressure, removed the column from its website and published a whimpering "mea culpa":

"More than 300 people have taken the trouble this month to complain to the CBC ombudsman about a column we ran on CBCNews.ca about Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin on Sept. 5. The column, by award-winning freelance writer Heather Mallick, was also pilloried by the National Post in Canada and by Fox News in the U.S. … Vince Carlin, the CBC Ombudsman, has now issued his assessment of the Mallick column. He doesn't fault her for riling readers by either the caustic nature of her tone or the polarizing nature of her opinion. But he objects that many of her most savage assertions lack a basis in fact. And he is certainly correct. Mallick's column is a classic piece of political invective. It is viciously personal, grossly hyperbolic and intensely partisan. And because it is all those things, this column should not have appeared on the CBCNews.ca site … We failed you in this case. And as a result we have put new editing procedures in place to insure that in the future, work that is not appropriate for our platforms, will not appear."

"Viciously personal, grossly hyperbolic and intensely partisan". Uh... I can has "Viewpoint"? What part of the word "viewpoint" is so hard to understand!??

Frankly, 300 complaints doesn't sound like a lot to me, given that the column was discussed on Fox News, the O'Reilly show and other right-wing outlets whose audiences are notorious for having nothing better to do but freep polls and complain about "left-wing bias". Oh well... at the center of the storm is the fact that the CBC is taxpayer-funded, and therefore has no business publishing opinion pieces that don't have a consensus of agreement with 100% of taxpayers. (Ignoring for a moment the fact that the vast majority of Canadians likely agree with the gist of Mallick's comments about Caribou Barbie.)

Public consensus for opinion pieces because of taxpayer funding? Get real. I look at it this way: I have no kids in school, yet I pay taxes for schools. I have no use for churches, yet I subsidize them through tax breaks, even as some of their more rabid members try to bully their way into public policy-making. If the CBC is to have a "Viewpoint" column at all, sooner or later there will be viewpoints that don't have consensus. TOUGH! SHIT!

The taxpayer funding issue is kind of a red herring anyway, since almost everyone gets some (yes, that's the Western Standard that sucked up $132,063 of MY MONEY in its death throes last year -- why wasn't I consulted?). As usual, it boils down to the right's psychotic intolerance for opinions they don't agree with: free speech for me, but not for Heather Mallick. It really is that simple.

And anyway, what about the taxpayers who agree with Mallick? What are we, chopped liver? Thanks a pantload, CBC!

UPDATE: Mallick's column was so evil, odious and disgusting that these guys are doing somersaults trying to find it again: "It's here", "Try here", "Find it here". Huh!? Guys, mission accomplished -- you got Mallick censored. Now you want to read the column again? Jesus fucking DUH! (h/t CC)

UPDATE II: Even better.

UPDATE III: psa speaks, you listen.

D'oh!

Since John McCain's all about regulating these pernicious rogue bankers that have looted Wall Street, this should be a pretty easy question to answer:

"COURIC: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?

PALIN: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie--that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.

COURIC: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more."

You do that, Caribou Barbie.

Furrin Policy Speed Dating

Yesterday the VP candidate brushed up on the mad skillz she needs to run the Free World. Foreign policy? Check!:

"During her first national-television interview as the Republican vice presidential candidate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin admitted she had never met a foreign head of state before. On Tuesday, she met two of them. As foreign leaders gathered in New York for sessions of the United Nations General Assembly, Gov. Palin discussed national security and energy policy with the presidents of Afghanistan and Colombia."

Oh, SURE she did. That's why the press was allowed to sit in and cover these meetings. But never mind all that. Considering the disaster in progress on Wall Street, she needs a little high finance expertise as well. Quick! Run her by an ATM! Economy? Check!

Hyuk!

FD Funniez:

That'll certainly get Jim D. Adkisson's vote... or would have, if he wasn't busy doing time for killing liberals. But I'm sure the McCain campaign will appreciate the humour.

Barbara Kay, unhinged

As I mentioned earlier, slogging through the product of Barbara Kay's delusional sludgetrap of a mind is a trying business for me. Lines like this:

"But win or lose the election, Sarah Palin has already altered the cultural landscape of America, possibly of the Western world. In years to come, social archeologists will mark her speech as the official beginning of an end to the gender wars, and, one hopes, a return to trust and collaboration between the sexes."

...send my bullshit-o-meter screaming dangerously past redline and make it impossible for me to continue reading without serious abdominal upset. Thankfully, others have the bullshit resistance that I do not, and are able to pick up the slack.

Stay classy, Conservatives

Oooh, right out of the gate the Conservative Party shows its class!!! 

First there was the commercial that featured a puffin taking a dump on Stephane Dion (I thought my sense of humour was sophomoric) and worse, "Dionbook" (which seems to have conveniently exceeded its alloted bandwidth).  "Dionbook" isn't necessarily a bad idea (again, sophomoric, but so what) -- except that it targets Liberal bloggers as well as Dion.  These bloggers aren't politicians, they're private citizens, and as such one would think they'd be off-limits.  What. The. Fuck!!??   PSA has the dirt (but not as much dirt as the Conservatives, obviously).

It looks like Harper is making good on his prophesy that this will be a "nasty" campaign.

Feel that Culture-of-Life love

John McCain might want to re-think his decision to choose a member of the Christian Taliban as his VP -- her rabid fans are praying for his "speedy death":


What? I said "speedy death", dammit:

Teh Googles have a long memory, and Teh Screenshot captures those magic moments for, well, eternity.

(h/t: rising hegemon)

Deja vu

Sound familiar?:

"Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

"You'll be encouraged by the power of God's love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality," according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child."

Maybe Ted Haggard should move up north to Alaska (where the huskies go, don't you eat that yellow snow!) and take another whack at "Teh Ghey Cure".

(Heh. I said "whack".)

There's batshit and bad shit

Anyone with even a passing familiarity with the most virulent fetus fetishists and homophobic whackjobs in Canada has heard of extremist shrieker Bill Whatcott. When "Wartcott" isn't stuffing gross abortion pictures or anti-gay propaganda into the mailboxes of unsuspecting homeowners (and oh how I wish I could catch him trying to pull that on my property), he's happily marching at the head of gay pride parades carrying signs denouncing the evil Rainbow Conspiracy. And of course, famously (and repeatedly) posting pictures of anal warts, prolapsed rectums and other ass issues (assues!) on FD and whatever other sites still allow him to do his strange and scummy thing -- hence the nickname, "Wartcott".

Predictably, Wartcott is anything but pleased with the Morgentaler Order of Canada award, and went out of his way to express his displeasure scatalogically. Who knew that "feces flinging" was more than a metaphor!? Astonishingly, the post where Wartcott delightedly describes how he shat on a picture of the Order of Canada and mailed it to the GG sat festering in the Blogging Tories message bowl for at least half a day before it was flushed. Hopefully it was there long enough for Stephen Harper to get an up-close look at his socon base.

Wartcott's clearly gone the extra distance and outdone himself this time; pictures of anal warts pale in comparison to the transmission of an actual turd via Canada Post. Maybe it's time to leave anal warts behind (heh) and come up with a new nickname for Wartcott, one that more aptly personifies the new nadir of rotten creepiness he's achieved... Shitcott? Crapcott? Sir-Crap-A-Lot?

While we're at it, maybe we could help SUZANNE come up with a name for the new conservative version of the Order of Canada that she's proposing. Order of Wankerda? Odour of Canada? Brainstorm, guys, brainstorm!

Mugged

Talking about "Expelled", the movie about "intelligent design" that attempts to take Darwinian theory to task in favour of, um, yeah well, whatever, the movie's frontman Ben Stein comments:

"I don't question that other people may have different narratives about some of the people featured in the film," Stein says, "but my experience is that if you mention intelligent design, you do get slammed, you do get mugged." The New York Times, where Stein writes a weekly column, "gave the film one of the most vicious reviews I've ever seen."

Mugged? Never mind mugged: faith and religion is one thing, but anyone trying to pass off this Disneyesque fantasy as Science should be flogged like a 3-legged pack mule. But then again, look what else Stein has to say:

"For Stein, it's at least arguable that life on Earth shows evidence of "intelligent design," a phrase that coats him in the distinctive colours of creationism. But he is as unapologetic about this belief as he is unapologetic in insisting that Nixon's presidency was much better than its detractors claim and in predicting that in two years, reviled as George W. Bush now is in many precincts, Americans will be wishing they could have him back in the Oval Office." (emphasis mine)

The Context, it's everything, no?

R.E.A.L. Women on crack about Insite

REALWomen is another one of these fundie groups that never tires of lecturing everyone on the Correct Way to live their lives. Granny panties in a knot, snouts thrust firmly in the nation's crotches, their fingers wag relentlessly as they scold and jabber like hamsters in heat about all manner of Bad Behaviour... it goes on and on and groaningly on. And here they are again, their latest diatribes directed at Insite, Vancouver's safe injection site. When spring sprung a few weeks ago and the end of Insite's funding was on the horizon, it could only mean one thing: yet another pearl-clutching advisory from REALWomen to "Shut InSite down!"

Insite is the "harm reduction" pillar of the "Four Pillar" drug strategy that takes a new approach to coping with the drug problem by addressing different angles of the issue: Prevention, Treatment, Harm Reduction and Enforcement. But RW has its own Four Pillar solution: Punishment, Pain, Marginalization and Death. So naturally Landolt's Moral Minority Stormtroopers were perturbed that their calls to kill the dirty druggies earned them a nice bitch-slap from the Supreme Court this week with a decision that would keep Insite open for another year:

"In a surprise ruling yesterday, the court supported Vancouver's experimental supervised injection clinic and halted federal attempts to close the facility.

Judge Ian Pitfield said Insite should be allowed to remain open for a year even without a federal exemption from current drug laws."

REALWomen is REAL pissed! Activist Judges and their Social Engineering... filthy junkies... immoral... bad, wrong and dirrrrrty, and uh... SEX!!! SHRIEEEEEK!

"A single judge on the Supreme Court of BC, Mr. Justice Pitfield, handed down a decision on May 27, 2008, that took the olympian approach to judgeship. He did this by concluding that he knows best how to deal with drug addiction in Canada contrary to the policies of the federal government, which has jurisdiction over the issue. The government’s drug policy is to provide for a three-pillar approach to drug addiction by way of prevention (education), treatment and enforcement of drug laws, which has proven to be the only effective method of dealing with drug addiction.

Mr. Justice Pitfield, however, decided that, in his opinion, he preferred the approach of harm reduction, which is to assume that drug addiction is going to take place any way, so why not permit it in medically supervised sites? Unfortunately, drug injection sites merely continue the addiction, allowing the addict to enter a downward spiral to eventual death. Supporters of harm reduction also have an agenda which is to liberalize our drug laws." [...]

"Using the Charter of Rights as his reason, Mr. Justice Pitfield concluded that to deny addicts the use of the site contravenes section 7 of the Charter which provides for “the right to life, liberty and security of persons.”

The ramifications of his decision are far reaching. If allowed to stand, it will permit the establishment of drug injection sites all across the country – bringing more misery and suffering for addicts.

Because of the seriousness of the situation, the government should apply for a “stay” of the decision, pending an appeal. This would result in the misconstrued decision of Mr. Justice Pitfield’s to cease to be binding until finally dealt with by the higher courts. In the meantime, the site should be shut down to protect the lives of addicts." (emphasis mine)

"To protect the lives of addicts": sounds familiar, no? Abortion: "Women deserve better". Gay marriage: "Won't someone think of the children?" Yes, REALwomen's cup just runneth over with the sour, lumpy, cheesy milk of human kindness. Oh, they do talk the talk.

But bullshit walks. These authoritarian pinheads give not one shit for drug addicts -- they use the rhetoric of "concern" to mask a punishment-oriented mentality too stunted to even consider that there might be a better approach than the status quo. As discussed yesterday, we're 36 years, that's 1/3 of a century, into the goofy "War On Drugs", the net result of which has been rich drug dealers, more property crime, skyrocketing HIV among female addicts, clogged-up courts and packed-to-capacity prisons. If that's winning, I'd hate to see losing.

It's long past time to move on to Plan B of which this experimental Harm Reduction strategy is a part. It's also time to stop treating addicts like dispensable human garbage because they make decisions that some of us, in our high and mighty self-righteous glory, judge to be "immoral". We need instead to work on keeping them safe and helping them back into the community, something InSite does. Get a grip, Gwen -- if you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

Coming to you from an underground bunker...

Me and da Zerb. And now, Birth Pangs.

From my New Friend:

Yes, it's my intention to ban all pregnancies. When I'm finished with that, I plan to ban satire. And irony! Can't forget that one.

I suspect there are more than a few right-wingers out there who are just a wee tiny bit uncomfortable that this guy is one of theirs. Have a talk with him, already -- even I'm starting to feel embarrassed for you.

Oh-oh

Oh, geez... looks like I caught a flying wingnut, and this one's really spun a bearing. From my Yahoo mail just now, I was treated to a sick and sad spectacle as one Karol Karolak of "Fathers 4 Life", "Fathers_are_capable_too", "Dads In Action", "Mothers-in-exile", "Strangers In Paradise", "Fathers-in-Mothers", "Fathers-in-Fathers", yadda in yadda, put the cheetos aside and stroked himself to a shrieking ragegasm over my "asskicking" post yesterday.

"Karol" (who may or may not be the same "Karol Karolak" that posted 13 incoherent, return-key-challenged replies to this National Post article on abortion a couple of months ago) has thoughtfully taken it upon himself to do a mass-emailing of my post, complete with my picture, to MPs (thanks, pally, but I have a feeling they've already seen it). Failing to get the desired reaction out of the Libs, he's now posted it somewhere on the Snotgun, I mean Shitgun, I mean Shotgun Blog at the Western StandTurd. W00t! Busy guy! (Time to get a job, Karol.) From the initial exchange to the most recent, here we go!

Full disclosure: though Mr. Karolak's e-mails describe me as a "radical feminist", sadly, I'm not what anyone would consider a "radical" by any stretch of the imagination. But Karol, if it turns your crank to think I am, then by all means, knock yourself out. No no, I mean really knock yourself out. Literally. Maybe you'll wake up with a functioning brain stem.

(For the record, I've stricken Nunavut MP Nancy Karetak-Lindell from the shit-list, and offer her my sincerest apologies -- she was absent from the vote due to being stuck in her home riding in a snowstorm. Now that's an excuse I can get behind.)

That's just what happens

when you leave the inmates in charge of the asylum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Ahem* Yes, quite.

On unringing bells

Somebody's quickly finding out that "free speech" doesn't mean the freedom to spew potentially-libelous bullshit.

Last summer I took the unusual (at least among my progressive peers) stance of defending FD when they got a complaint from the CHRC. I still believe that the last thing any of us should want to see is websites being shut down for being "offensive" -- "offensive" being a pretty subjective term -- and that's where this kind of thing goes. But I was a little shocked at the level of idiocy FD and its constituency displayed in response to the complaint. 90-page threads hurling insults and making veiled threats at the complainant are usually a bad idea -- there's freedom of speech and there's freedom of stupidity.

When the complaint was dropped, FD and friends were therefore so emboldened that when someone more tenacious came along, they saw no reason to respond any differently. Stupidity then escalated from the merely offensive to what might turn out to be outright libel. Yay team. Thick as they are, today it seems to be finally dawning on them just what they've wrought. Threads are disappearing, flustered and justifiably fearful apologies are being made, but...

... you can't unring a bell -- can you say "google cache"? "screenshots"? This one's done like dinner. And knowing how litigious this Richard Warman guy is even when he's merely "offended", I shudder to think of his response at being (possibly) libeled.

I wonder if it's starting to occur to these "free speech defenders" how much damage they actually do to the cause of free expression... Naahhh. What was I thinking to even consider such a thing!?

"They're Coming To Your Town!"

Those krazy kristians at the American Family Association are ringing the warning bell about a devastating threat -- SHRIEEEEEK! -- that's on its way to Your Town! The AFA recently sent out an email flogging a new DVD that warns of an Impending Invasion of... illegal immigrants? Nope. Swarthy Terrorists? Guess again! It's...
... homos and lezzies and queers, oh my! Check out the DVD trailer... if you dare! SHRIEEEEEEEEK!

SHRIEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

(from Good As You, via Pandagon ... SHRIEEEEEEK!)

No one hates like the angry, angry left (part 3,417)

"Zee", one of those fine upstanding douchebags from "Christian Government", which I posted about a few days ago, swung by this morning and left some droppingscomments:

"That's OK, little weenie. The Christians will still allow all you lefties to fuck your dogs and to pursue your other vile passions just as long as you keep it to your own swine selves. The muslims, on the other hand, flatly state that they will impose their "religion" on all infidels or you die.

But that's ok. You castrated hippies will never know when the scimitar separates your head from your decaying drug addled bodies. You'll be too busy licking cum off your lips or picking fetal tissue from your teeth or whatever freaks like you do with your useless lives.

What a waste of oxygen you whores are -i hope you have consistently practiced the main tenet of your religion - abort abort abort - the genetic slime that falls out of a liberal cunt is poisoning the world.

** For the purpose of clarity, this comment has been calibrated to the match the sensibilities of it's recipients.**"

Not bad, zee, not bad at all! Keep working on it, you'll get there. *BEEEEEEP* There goes the microwave, it's fetuslunch time! Pass the hoisin sauce!